Easy Ways to Build More Security and Strength in Your Relationship

Does your relationship sometimes feel like you’re riding a rollercoaster? There are some simple ways that you can both feel more secure as a couple. These are techniques you can use by yourself and with your partner to keep you both on a more even course and off of the spinning relationship rollercoaster.  I have compiled some easy ways to build more security and strength in your relationship.

Steps You Can Take by Yourself

1. Build up your self-esteem. Start out by feeling secure about yourself. Take satisfaction in your own accomplishments. Pursue meaningful goals. Talk to yourself in a way that is kind and motivating. Your inner and outer self-talk is so important in shaping who you are and what you become.
2. Acknowledge your feelings. If you’re together long enough, you’re bound to have conflicted emotions about your partner occasionally. Accept your doubts, fears and irritations so you can process them rationally. Don’t stuff away feelings. Approach what you are feeling with your partner so that you can both have open communication around it.
3. Manage stress. A healthy lifestyle will keep you more resilient.
   • Get plenty of good quality sleep. Go to bed on the early side.
   • Eat right and exercise regularly. Avoid sugar, and take that dog for a walk!
   • Use alcohol in moderation or not at all.
   • Find relaxation methods, like meditation, mindfulness or massage, that work well for you.
4. Solve your own challenges. It’s nice to have a partner to commiserate with but stay on top of your own responsibilities. You are ultimately responsible for yourself.
   • Learn to do the laundry or make easy home repairs instead of always depending on your spouse to do the job. Don’t rely on the other person to always take the lead.
5. Try new things. Take charge and step out of your comfort zone. Take dance lessons or volunteer in the emergency room at a local hospital. You may develop a new sense of assurance and become even more fascinating. Continually learning new things keeps life interesting.
6. Maintain your family ties and friendships. Healthy couples rely on a broad base of support. Spend time with your family and friends. Get to know your neighbors. You don’t always have to be attached at the hip. Spend time with your friends by yourself.
7. Work with a Life Coach. It is impossible to figure everything out on your own. We often need a little guidance in some areas where we have blocks or negative self-beliefs. A coach can help you distinguish your patterns and allow you to see where “you” are the greatest denominator in situations and when someone else is.

Steps You Can Take With Your Partner

1. Communicate effectively. Communication skills are fundamental to any stable relationship. Talk to each other openly and with respect. Pick neutral times for tackling sensitive subjects. Always allow yourself to be in a calm state of mind when you want or need to talk about something important or potentially sensitive.
   • Listen attentively and give your partner your full attention instead of focusing on what you want to say next. Once your partner is done speaking, paraphrase back to them what they have said so that you both know that everything was heard. “What you are saying is…”
2. Provide mutual support. Celebrate your interdependence. Share household chores and parenting responsibilities. Offer your spouse a quiet afternoon at home while you take the kids out shopping for school shoes. A partnership is just that…you work together as a team and appreciate each other’s own time and sacrifices.
3. Resolve conflicts peacefully. Expect to disagree at times. Try to see each other’s position and look for ways to compromise. Stay calm and be willing to apologize. Apologize when it is truly necessary, not just to appease the other or to end the conflict. No one grows from this.
   • The best solutions make you both feel like winners.
4. Accommodate each other. Be flexible when there is no risk to your wellbeing or core values. Take turns visiting each other’s family on the holidays. Volunteer for extra errands when you know your partner has a tight deadline at work. Help each other achieve your individual goals.
5. Stick to your household budget. Financial pressures can cause divisions. Put your household budget in writing. Monitor how you spend, save and invest your money. Plan major purchases in advance. Always talk about major purchases. If your plan is out in the open, then there will be no surprises or room for conflict.
6. Create your own traditions. Personal traditions give us a sense of belonging and safety.
   • Make family dinners a priority.
   • If you both enjoy the theater, buy annual subscriptions to a local theater company.
   • Explore a new part of your town once a month, etc.
7. Stay close. Flirt with each other. Hold hands when you go out to the movies. Read interesting news stories aloud over breakfast. Put out a vase of fresh flowers in your bedroom. Talk about things that bring about questions.
8. Consider classes and counseling. Being willing to accept expert assistance is a sign of strength. Couples classes can help you learn communication skills and new ways of interacting. Counseling can help you breakthrough issues that are difficult for you to resolve on your own. Counseling doesn’t mean you are failing; it means you are willing to succeed.

Work at making your relationship run more smoothly. Building up your self-confidence and treating your partner with respect will help you to feel more secure with yourself and each other. When you both respect yourselves and each other, you have a winning relationship.

Sending lots of love and success your way.

~Heidi

You may also enjoy this article: Mindfulness and Your Relationship

and this article on Love Wide Open:  Four Reasons Why Setting Boundaries In Your Relationship Is SO Important

©Heidi Dellaire / H. Hill Incorporated