Toxic Personalities
Heidi Dellaire

Heidi Dellaire

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Taking a Step Away from Toxic Personalities

As awful as it can be to be around someone with a toxic personality, taking a step away can be challenging. A person with a toxic personality tends to be judgmental and manipulative of those around them. They want you to be attentive and adoring of them, but give nothing in return. If you are in a relationship with someone with a toxic personality you might find yourself defending everything you say or do. Over time you will begin to question your own perspective as each action on your part causes a negative reaction.

The harmful comments, demands and lack of compassion shown to you by your partner with a toxic personality has left you vulnerable. This is their intent. People with toxic personalities are needy, ego driven and narcissistic. Their goal is to make you dependent on them. Once your sense of self and independence has been stripped away it can be very hard to walk away from someone with a toxic personality even if you realize how unhappy you are.

It’s not okay.

Before you can take a step away from someone with a toxic personality, you need to admit that their behavior is not okay. Your relationship with them is not healthy. The way you are being treated is wrong. Once you accept this you will gain power back. Stay firm in this one conviction and you will find the strength to step away.


Next you need to define your boundaries. For some this might mean zero communication, for others it might be about setting clear limits on when and under what circumstances you will interact with the person with a toxic personality. Remember, each time you see or speak to one another is another opportunity for the person with the toxic personality to trigger doubt in you.


Understand what drew the toxic personality to you. Having an awareness about what lead to your mistreatment will foster healing and prevent this from becoming a repeating pattern in your life. Often people don’t just happen upon one person with a toxic personality in life. If you have attracted one toxic personality into your life, there will likely be others. Understanding your attraction to toxic personalities is important because as the person with the toxic personality tries to control you, you can develop low self-esteem and even thoughts of self-harm.

Asking yourself “Why?” is not intended to illicit blame. You are not responsible for how someone else acts. They were acting like that long before they met you. However, if you find more than one person in your life treats you badly, you need to take a hard look at why you allow such people to be a part of your life. Is there a need being fulfilled in you by being the victim? It’s ok to admit to yourself what you gain by being around someone with a toxic personality. This deeper understanding will allow you to make better choices for yourself going forward.



You’re not giving up, you’re not giving in, and you are growing.

Taking a step away from toxic personalities will let you focus on your own life and stop worrying about the twisting and confusing dramas you have been enveloped in. Start by admitting it’s not okay for someone to treat you this way. Set clear boundaries to prevent yourself from allowing that person to manipulate you further. Then ask yourself the hard questions that will allow you to gain awareness about what drew you to a toxic personality in the first place. You’re not giving up, you’re not giving in, and you are growing.

Wishing you great success in moving away from the toxicity in your life and towards loving kindness.


©Heidi Dellaire

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10 thoughts on “Taking a Step Away from Toxic Personalities”

  1. I really appreciate the things you post. …”Hurting others will not heal you” …wow, simply said and so true. It goes along with what I heard awhile back: ‘If we seek revenge…it is like drinking poison and expecting that poison to kill the person you will not forgive.’ …or: ‘If you are seeking revenge, dig 2 graves…one for the person you hate and one for yourself…because revenge is deadly to the one who holds it in their heart.’ Your little bottle of poison picture was confirmation of what I felt in my spirit. You have a beautiful way of expressing truth, hope, and healing. Thank you so much!!

    • Hi Teresa,
      Thank you so much for your comment. Happy to hear that the messages are hitting home for you. It’s always lovely to receive validation of the work you do, so thank you again. Sending lots of love and healing your way.

  2. Where do I find help to find out if my girlfriend is indeed
    a Narcicist . I have been reading a lot about it and have a lot of questions about Toxic Relationships vs Narcism. Thank you and I look forward to your reply.

    • Hi Al,

      Only a psychiatrist can clinically diagnose someone with NPD. However, many people present with narcissistic traits on a spectrum of a few to many. Toxic relationships can arise in so many ways. One could be an over-giver, one could be a taker, one could be narcissistic, both can be codependent, etc. I would focus more on what is or isn’t good for you in the relationship, not necessarily trying to put someone else in a category. Many times, we are also the toxic ones because we enable or allow the behavior instead of taking care of ourselves. Thanks for reaching out. There are many articles for you to reference about narcissists and narcissism on my site.

    • It’s going to set strong boundaries for yourself. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to save themselves. Sending you love and healing around it all.

  3. Heidi, I so appreciate your insight on Toxic People. They can rob your Heart & Soul. Overbearing people. They know how to manipulate so well. I take my hat off to you, you are Blessing to this Group & to others like myself who have been inspired by you, I would Love to Coach as you do & looking into this role. You have helped so many People & not afraid to stand up to anything ! I have been Blessed just meeting you. Forever Grateful & hope to see you soon.


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